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Right, before I get into the how and the what of submissive punishment, I want to cover why nots. That is, what punishment definitely isn’t for. These lists are by no means exhaustive, but should give an idea of the kind of thing to avoid. Group sex is the epitome of kink and most of us have fantasised about inviting additional people into the bedroom for a threesome or an orgy. However, with relationship hang-ups and safety measures to consider, group sex with friends does not always translate that well into real life. The easiest way to dip your toe in the multiples pond is to invite a stranger to join you (easily done via most dating apps now) or attend a sex party to see how it feels first. We hear Killing Kittens is a great place to start. 6. Swinging During the early courtship, the Dominant will try and build the submissive’s confidence. As a submissive myself, this is crucial to helping me feel comfortable enough to test my limits. The Dominant can do things like ask for pictures in various stages of dress; starting from fully clothed and then gradually less. Reminding them that they are a beautiful, precious treasure to them. They can reassure them that they aren’t leaving. They will remind the submissive that they are safe and they cared for. The misunderstandings around what it means to be a male submissive can lead to awkwardness when expressing your kink with a new partner who may not necessarily be part of the BDSM world.
As a submissive, when I hear these things, it helps me relax. It helps me trust. It helps me see myself the way my Dom sees me. I want to please him, and when I please him, he rewards me. And that thrills me more than anything. He has me and it makes me want to do more to please him. I’m delighted and fulfilled when he is happy with me. One-quarter (27%) said their preferred pain propelled them into a trance-like altered state involving deep relaxation, almost mystical contentment, a sensation of floating outside their bodies achieving oneness with the universe. Subs have a word for this—“subspace.” “It’s meditative.” “I feel all floaty and spacey.” “I go on ‘vacation’ mentally to a place where I feel everything but nothing hurts.” I have the most problems in trying go figure out set punishments for breaking the rules, and figuring out what rewards my sub would get from listening me and my rules. Im thinking about kinda grouping the punisments into like from least to most "bad", and giving out the punishment from one of the groups depending on how bad the disregard for my rule(s) has been, as opposed to having just one or two punishments to always give out from breaking a certain rule. To me this kinda keeps it more fun for me and my sub, because they would never really know whats coming, they can only assume.
The Origins of Submissiveness
It may still be early days for Daniel, who has since had three or four domme-sub scenarios, having broken up with his long-term partner, but almost immediately after entering the world of BDSM he found that he was still in a minority overall. This kinky little game requires the correct accessories, but once you've invested in a vagina pump you're all set. Pussy and clit pumps work by creating a vacuum over the labia and/or clitoris. Increasing blood flow makes the area become (temporarily) engorged and consequently more sensitive and ergo more pleasurable; perfect for a good pounding. 17. Temperature play
What if you want to try and avoid the rule breaking and consequences all together? For me, punishment creates fear. The last thing that I want to do is have fear of my Dominant. Sometimes punishments are necessary, but you don’t have to always use that as your go-to. Rewards can go a long way to getting the submissive to stay in line. At least it works for me. When a submissive finds the right Dominant, some magic can happen. But there is one more step. You both need to agree on what you will both do, your limits, and punishments. Contracts What matters most is that I don’t like it, otherwise it will have no lasting impact. And that’s the point of correction, isn’t it? That it have an impression and that it shape future behavior in a positive way.
How D/s can play out in BDSM scenes.
The tawse was the worst as it was delivered with the same force as the cane but only seemed to cause lingering pain in one place. This was a similar feeling to having fallen very heavily onto a garden gnome wearing a cone shaped hat. It maybe that only one corner of the tawse is ‘making an impression’ and that is what is producing a weird slightly ‘unpunished’ feeling as, apart from the one small area on my right bottom cheek, the rest of my bottom was pain free. And when I say comprehensive, oh boy, do I mean it. This guide to punishments for subs is based on my years of experience, reading, research and community discussions, as well as a lot of trial and error in my 24/7 TPE dynamic. It covers everything you need to know to design and implement effective submissive punishment within a D/s dynamic. Impact play involving spanking, flogging, whipping or paddling is a great entry point for BDSM play and features highly on the kink hot list. If you've never enjoyed a good spanking you'll be reassured to hear that if you target the fleshy bits, it doesn't have to hurt and the vibrations can elicit a tantalising range of physical and emotional responses to boot. Bend over baby. These lists are by no means exhaustive, but it should give you an idea of the kind of thing to avoid. Submissives have to work on themselves first,’ she explains. ‘A lot of subs fall into the trap of wanting a dominant to basically just fix all their problems.
Many times, a Dominant will use small tasks to test a submissive’s willingness and ability to obey. When the Dominant sees how the submissive responds to these tasks, they have a better idea of whether they want to continue the relationship and/or how much training the submissive will require. As a submissive, the why for a rule being in place or why I am being given some, what I think is, a random task is very important to me. I happily comply with small, seemingly insignificant tasks. The Dominant should explain why menial tasks are assigned or why they are required. When the submissive understands the purpose, they will be happier to comply. If you think punishment means a good thorough beating, well, say hello to scores of masochists out there. Want someone to write out lines or do your laundry in a head-to-toe scuba suit? There’s someone out there for whom that sounds like the perfect Saturday. For now, Daniel is going to keep exploring his kink in a safe environment, meeting up with women who are more than willing to dominate him – and hopes that eventually, society will be more accepting of men who wish to explore a submissive kink. Let me take a bit of a tangent for a moment to explain why. Today, while I was driving around running errands, the DJ on the radio was talking about relationships. He noted that 71% of people polled for a particular study said that they wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone unless they felt it was “egalitarian,” and that 29% didn’t mind following someone else’s lead. Of course, I have no idea what study this was, nor do I give it any real credence. But I do feel that the vast majority of Westerner’s feel relationships should be equal and would not understand the power dynamic of a D/s relationship or why any submissive would want it. And punishment? Well that’s just abuse, right?Have a look at the list of roles of punishment above – if you’re thinking about punishment, probably at least one of the points resonates with you. That’s a good place to start a discussion. Perhaps you have some other ideas or previous experiences – the important point is, have something a bit more specific to start the conversation rather than just ‘punishment’. This is my first blog, and indeed blog entry, on the subject of the punishments I receive for being a less than obedient and well behaved wife! This blog was given to me, by my husband, as part of any punishments I receive. That list is by no means exhaustive, but I hope it gives you an idea as to how varied and complex the role of punishment in a dynamic can be. Why is understanding the role of punishment important? Many people believe female submissives are brain-washed and unintelligent or just following the social normative ideas around men and women,’ Monieau explains on Metro.co.uk’s no-holds-barred sex podcast, Smut Drop. ‘But that is such a broad generalisation. There are plenty of confident, competent submissives who work in numerous high-powered, demanding roles, who just want to be submissive in the bedroom.’
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